Flaming Confusion

Cityscape

Its been a while since I have put up a painting here. Not for the lack of painting, it is just that I have had a frustrated painting period. I have stuck to doing still lives and landscapes and now I just find them dull and uninteresting. In the past, I have been doing compositionally simpler paintings due to lack of time. I have usually found weekends as the only time to paint and I have tried to do paintings of smaller sizes and minimal detail to complete the paintings within the time. I have skipped the detail. I now want to do a fewer set of paintings but those that also involve composition, colour, ideas, details, modern. I have attempted to do a cityscape several times and failed, often frustrated. I find that it's usually because I haven't planned or visualised the painting in my head before I have started. I find it difficult to stick to contours of an under-drawing, I have found it inhibiting in the past to prevent a free flow. I find that it is not possible to paint cities by ignoring the angular - much of it involves sticking to form in definite proportions and this has been difficult to do. So here is my first attempt at breaking out. Will start with a fresh cityscape in greys and blues.

Misty sea

[oil on paper]

Two of a kind

Rock On!

Sea Fever

[Oil on Canvas]

I must go down to the seas again,
to the lonely sea and the sky,
and all I ask is a tall ship
and a star to steer her by,

and the wheel's kick and the wind's song
and the white sail's shaking,
and a grey mist on the sea's face
and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again,
for the call of the running tide
as a wild call and a clear call
that may not be denied;

and all I ask is a windy day
with the white clouds flying,
and the flung spray and the blown spume,
and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again
to the vagrant gypsy life,
to the gull's way and the whale's way
where the wind's like a whetted knife;

and all I ask is a merry yarn
from a laughing fellow rover,
and quiet sleep and a sweet dream
when the long trick's over.

-- John Masefield

Outside The Wall

Back to blogging – yay! The return to homeland wasn’t as seamless as imagined….amazing how such an insignificant time apart can reset so many assumptions of existence. I have often wondered why some are more malleable to change than others – I, for one, belong to the category that set the heart and soul free to soak up each experience, with the constant result that several components of my former self are continuously redrawn, recolored. Too much energy has been spent these last few months in rediscovering those earlier shades, those shades that allowed for a costless existence in this ‘home’ (!) – too much energy lost in rebuilding stability (albeit, the silent undertone of ‘unknown’ staying constantly as a faithful friend whose job is to remind). And predictably, the much feared painters block found its potent path into my head forcing yet another long creative glut.

There is an increasing debate on how to tackle a block – in any medium of expression. Some believe the right way to face the fire is to jump into it headlong…..in this instance, get down to a painting schedule and force the block out. This approach has never worked for me, a) for its regimented nature destroying the innate free spirit of the expression and b) for the lack of those oh-so-important inspired moments. (Duane has an interesting article on what constitutes the inspired moments here). So mostly one is left with no choice but to live it out, controlling panic in the knowledge that ‘this too has passed’.

A trek with some friends to M M Hills on the border of Tamil Nadu and Karnataka provided that inspired moment. 2 paintings followed in quick succession with a third one evolving in the head as one writes, waiting to burst out. Finishing touches are being added to both and will be put up shortly.

In the meantime, also discovered this oh –so-cool tool called sketchcast – I am not the kind of person who one could classify even remotely as tech friendly. In fact, one of the reasons I love (and I truly cant find a more limiting word in the context) oil paints is its classic appeal – the knowledge that our ancestors from 400 years ago also used these materials romanticizes the appeal way too much for me. Yet, I really enjoyed using this tool – it’s a fun thing to use the different colors – I loved the water color feel to it. Play in fast forward as it is a 20 min vid. The mouse was really hard to control on the laptop!! So please to forgive the jerks.

The Wall

Back....finally! 3 months of return to homeland proved to be very taxing indeed with the whole 'settling down' process......most of the energy has been spent in setting up a house, 'settling back' - its amazing how malleable one is, even an insignificant amount of time spent in different environment

And one year later…..

I have jumped!! From the firm hold of my job as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs International, London into the world of unknown…..following a vague notion of fulfilment …Of hope, love and change. Of a desire to contribute, to make that bit, however tiny, of difference. It is an open wide field with infinite paths of various colors…I am now only familiar with the shades that I will choose, the definitive path is yet to be discovered.

I have resigned this week from GS and taken the plunge. I will be returning to Bangalore, India by first week of September and looking around for a bit. Spending some time rediscovering roots. With this ends my time as a hard nosed banker. I have had a most interesting peek into this very exciting, even if void world. It has been a world so contrasted to the one in my thoughts, that I have often felt quite external to it…like watching a movie – a passiveness. Have seen big games played out at close quarters. Have travelled, met the most interesting people and made many friendships. Worked the 120 hour weeks. Complex analysis, tougher negotiations. All in a world where to optimise is to dehumanise.

I didn’t anticipate the smell of freedom would be so ethereal. It feels light and truly joyous!!!!

I am finally free.

Rose

Unity

(Oil on Canvas)

Water falls
Apart in air
Hangs like hair
Light installs
Itself in strands
Of water falling
The cliff stands
- Samuel Menashe

I loved the making of this painting. To my mind, it is unity of the two elements - the solid beauty of the cliffs and the calmness of the still water. Each as beautiful, as strong, as soft, as deep as the other. Each incomplete without the other. In blissful harmony together.